Double walker – Chapter three

Alice was analyzing her own reflection, in the fogged bathroom mirror. She had just taken a shower, one of those when the water felt like an embrace, allowing her to reflect over the day’s events. The night before, Alice didn’t have these thoughts! She was on her 19th day in a row regime, following her routine; starting with her double cleanse. Then an acne prone skin toner and serums, maybe also a face mask if skin asked for. She was too distracted now to give attention to anything. Maybe Zoe was right – maybe she was too self obsessed to pay so much attention to a stranger. The idea that the woman could be a long lost sister, crossed her mind, too. So much so, that she even casually asked Helen at diner if she ever wanted to have more kids. Or if she ever had the desire to have twins. Helen’s sincere belly laugh, did catch Alice a little off guard. ‘Honey, two running kids in your house are more than enough. God, help me to deal with a third one. Especially with that father of yours… He was not the type of man a smart woman would want to rely on’. Helen didn’t mention her ex husband so often in conversation. And given her condition, she might even mention him less and less. So no reunion with a lost sibling was on the way – she could cross that off her list. Wrapped in her towel, Alice looked in detail at herself, at her own features. She had freckles on her nose, that she always hated. Until she saw women now chose to use spray to fake spots on their faces. Her puffy face had a few lines on the forehead and by her tiny brown eyes, that she didn’t want  different. But the red spots from her chin were making her angry each morning, when she had to put on her make up. She used color corector, concealer and foundation, but those stubborn spots were always there, always visible. Either the make up would end up building up layer over layer, making her feel that she was wearing a mask, or she would just go for a natural look, that just showed her natural flaws. Her eyes followed the lines her chestnut hair was making, around her bulky arms, she always wanted to hide. Alice hated to see her arms giggle, her acne to show and her lack of confidence. Issues that that woman most likely didn’t pay attention to, by the grace she was showing. She had a glow of her own, that didn’t get shadowed by the weight she was carrying. She had it. Some people have it. That’s what drew Alice’s attention in the first place to her. She took a deep breath and looked straight in her own eyes – she had to find the woman again.

Friday morning, Alice was getting ready just as the day before. Just as yesterday, she heard her mother flush her toilet. ‘Mom?’. She waited for an answer. ‘Mom, are you awake?’ Not wanting to take any chances this time, she checked up on Helen. She was back in her bed, looking as she was sound asleep again. Alice tiptoed to the bed and kissed her head. ‘I love you, mom. I promise I will take care of you. I promise you will be okay’. She watched over Helen’s breath, that was deep, like something was sitting on her chest. She turned around and continued sleeping.

By 8:10 Alice was waiting at the corner of Paul’s. She had already ordered her sausage and cheese rolls and was devouring them, her eyes on everyone entering the coffee shop. Men, dressed smart, with cases or small bags on their shoulder, some retired early birds that looked for things to do when sleep was gone. And of course, the women: the simple dressed ones, the glamorous ones, with their hair done and their accessories, and even the ones that refused to follow the social beauty norms, wearing whatever they wanted to. Maybe a pink T-shirt that was one size too big for them, black boots under long skirt. Alice respected these ones the most. They were their own best version, that didn’t fit in a particular box. They were themselves. But no sight yet of the red woman. Eight twenty-two and soon she will need to head to work. Alice finished her second greasy cheese roll and wiped her mouth of crumbs. ‘What the fuck am I doing?’, she sighed. ‘Freaking stalker…’. Alice was ashamed of herself and of how much attention she was paying to silly thing like these, than focus on her own mother’s wellbeing. She needed to leave if she didn’t want Zoe to freak out again. Not on a Friday, at least. As she was getting ready to leave, Alice noticed a white car, blasting with music, about to park on the other side of the road. From the driver’s seat, a woman got out. It was her –the red woman. Her hair was curly now, lifted up with a clip, a few locks falling clumsy on her cheeks. She was wearing a flowery tank top and tight jeans, showing her lovely curves. The woman had her smile on and her sunglasses on top of her head. As she was heading towards the shop, Alice watched her every move. Alice’s throat was dry, but her body was sweating bullets. ‘It’s her’, she mumbled. ‘Fuck me, is her…’. The world stopped for nobody, but her. Everyone around her was moving sluggishly, except for her heart and mind. A hundred ideas and questions raced in her brain, looking for answers. She really did look exactly like her! She was not mistaken. It was not a blurry vision in her memory. They were both the reflection of each other. She was just the smudged one staring back. ‘Now what?’. What was she going to do now? She wanted this to happen, and so it did. She wanted to see her again. She found the red haired lady and now she was going to… confront her? Ask her what her life was? Alice didn’t move until she saw the woman getting out of the shop again. She put on her sunglasses and took a sip of her coffee. From the reaction, it might have been the best ever. As she took a look around the street, the two women’s eyes met. Or so it seemed to Alice, who couldn’t tell what the woman saw behind her dark glasses. For a moment in time, Alice felt like there were no other people in the world. Just the two of them, facing each other, on different time periods, different lives, different worlds. Alice reached out her hand, taking a step forward, when the woman disconnected their optic link. She simply walked away, heading back to her car, without acknowledging Alice. As if she didn’t notice her, as if she didn’t see what Alice saw. Feeling anxious the woman was going to leave again without them meeting, Alice ran to her. ‘Hey, hey, lady’, she yelled. ‘Hey, hold on a second’. She didn’t turned around or reply. ‘Hey’, Alice said, ‘I need to talk to you’. When she finally reached out to the red woman, grabbing her arm, her doppelganger let out a scream.

‘What are you doing?!’, she cried. ‘Get away!’

‘Look, hey look at me!’. Alice was as excited as a kid that meets Santa in the mall for the first time. But that made her unaware to her own strength, the force she used to squeeze the woman’s arm. ‘Can’t you see? Look at my face! You have my face‘, Alice screamed.

‘Are you insane?!’. The woman removed her glasses, showing her small  beautiful brown eyes. She had the same wrinkles on her forehead and around the eyes, just like Alice did, had the same round face with freckled nose. Being that close to her, Alice noticed the color in her hair was originally chestnut; just like hers! ‘Stop touching me, you psycho! You are hurting me’. Alice got lost in her own reflection, that was shouting back at her.

‘Can’t you see’, she quietly asked. ‘We are the same. You look exactly like me… And I am exactly as you…’

The woman yanked her arm form Alice’s grip and shouted she was going to call the cops if she wouldn’t leave her alone. She called her names, that didn’t fit the way her beautiful outside persona looked like. Alice didn’t really paid attention to none of them as much as she did to the last insult: ‘You look nothing like me, you fucking hog! Nothing!’ She put on her sunglasses back, went to her car and opened the back door. It was then that Alice heard the crying that was coming from the car. A fussy toddler was bowling his eyes out, reaching out for his momma. The red woman went in for a hug and a kiss, to help him calm down, after all this commotion. You could tell she didn’t feel safe to remove him from the baby seat, not around Alice, so she did her best to get the hell out of there, as soon as possible. Knowing the kid was going to relax once they drive away, the red woman whispered something to him and kissed him one more time. She closed his door and got herself in the car. ‘Stay the fuck away from me’, she finally threatened Alice.

The world around her was not still anymore. The fight drew attention on the street, all those morning people staring in confusion at Alice, whispering to each other or pretending not to look, but secretly taking pictures. She wished the ground could just open and swallow her all. There was nobody to help her get out of the embarrassing situation. She took her phone out of the pocket and only then realized Zoe was calling her for the second time. As much as she wanted to hear a friendly voice, she knew picking up the phone was just going to give her a headache. So she shut it down. The white car was gone, time was late… ‘Now what?’, she whispered.

Alice grabbed her purse closer to her body and started running. She didn’t want to see people at the office, didn’t want to give explanation for being late or why she was fucked up. She just knew she was going to hide somewhere. She wished she never saw her. Not at all. The word ‘hog’ was ringing in her ears… How come she couldn’t see what Alice saw? How come she was so mean, so publicly? She ran until her breath couldn’t keep up with her anymore. She did her best to stop her crying, but it was impossible. Alice pushed herself to reach the lake park she used to go when she was younger. It was almost empty, which was exactly what she needed now. She found an empty bench and took a sit across from the lake. Hungry ducks were making noise to be fed by people who had seeds in their bag. A couple of swans were floating gracefully on the water, uninteresting to Alice’s eyes. She replayed the scene in her head again and again and again… ‘You fucking hog’…

‘So stupid… I am so stupid… Why the hell did I do that?’

The distorted image of a all people around her laughing at her, pointing fingers, made her furious. On herself, on the red woman… How the hell was she going to fix this? Or to erase it all together. People are going to talk about this for ever. And most certainly she will be the laughing stock of all the internet. She just wanted answers or at least acknowledgement – she didn’t get anything. The red haired woman had a kid? Where did that come from? ‘She is a mother… A mother…’. Unaware to even herself, her thoughts flew back to her own mother and her future. Then back at the work and Zoe and McArthur’s… Then at the white SUV leaving… A thousand ideas passing each other behind those little eyes of hers. ‘The white SUV leaving… white SUV’. Alice’s eyes have spotted the swans on the water, focusing on their flowy dance. It helped her maintain one thought at a time. ‘The white SUV leaving… the white SUV…’ And then it hit her: the car had a logo on the back. A few vertical lines, with red and black color on top… ‘What was that?’ Her attention on the swans and on the swans alone, Alice tried to remember what the logo said. She had to focus on the lines, on the red and black colors… Beautiful swans, hugging themselves with their long necks… ‘What was it?’

‘Oh my god…’, she said. It was a real estate logo, of two houses with red roof, on top of the name: Swan Estate. She picked up her phone and looked up Swan Estate agency. Alice found the website where the red logo appeared. And on the front page, a loving couple, with big smile on their faces, inviting you to have a look at the properties. It was the red woman doppelganger, looking amazing, as always.

‘I found you, you stupid bird’.

Double walker – Chapter two

‘Did – did you see that woman?’, Alice asked the barista.

‘What? What woman?’

Alice muttered something under her breath and ran outside the door. As she pushed it, her mind was racing, trying to find a valid explanation for why was another woman wearing her face? She looked around for the dark color blazer and red, wavy hair. Hurried her pace to the corner of the street – nobody that fit the description. ‘Where could she disappear in such short time?’ When her heart was pounding the hardest, her phone rang. ‘Fuck!’

‘Alice, where are you?’ Her work wife was as impatient as always, especially when her friend was not in the parking lot 15 minutes before shift started, for a quick cigarette. Or two. Alice was not smoking on a regular, but Zoe was. Her anxiety was always through the roof because of the ‘stupid targets’. As much as she hated her job, she didn’t let that stop her from showing up again and again, never late. Alice told her she will be there as soon as possible, not to worry. ‘Not to worry…’.

The coffee shop was still busy, but it will all fade away by 9 o’clock. Then, the second wave of customers will come: the young women asking for colorful drinks that had gibberish names. Across from it, a parked white SUV, with a beautiful red haired woman inside. She was checking her phone, with the radio volume turned up a little too high for 8:43 AM. She didn’t pay attention to the motion outside, not as much as she did to her lip syncing to No doubt‘s song about a woman, refusing to come to terms about her partner’s cold shoulder. It needed soul for that part. Every now and then, she would take her eyes off the screen to check in the rear view mirror. Every time she was locking eyes with the toddler in the child seat, they were both laughing. The woman turned around and touched the boy’s rosy cheek, while he was shaking his tiny arms up in the air. They were having a good time. The woman laid down her phone and put on her sunglasses. A quick glance in the mirrors for upcoming traffic and she steered the wheel to the right. Lady was on her way.

*

Zoe was puffing her last ashy blow from her cigarette when somebody knocked at her car window, startling her so bad, she nearly chocked. ‘Are you… are you crazy, Alice?’. She started coughing so bad, that people around the parking lot were making faces. ‘Are you ready, Z? Let’s go!’. Without waiting for her friend, Alice was already two steps ahead. ‘The weirdest shit just happen to me! I am still shaking, look’. Speeding their steps, they soon reached the front glassy door of the building. The girls showed off their badges to the security man, waiting by the door and moved quickly to the elevator. ‘What happened? Did you get a warning? Oh my god, is it because of McArthur’s? Shit, Alice’. McArthur’s was the fish Trust company was baiting for a while. It started as a small family business, that had the fortune to quickly expand to franchise. An old school restaurant diner, that appealed to picky Boomers as much as it did to vegan Millennials, it was a godsent. The only thing that stayed between them and 2023 was their repulsion for technology. That’s where the baiting part began; Trust was a company that sold new up to date POS systems for business such as this one. Especially expending ones. Zoe and Alice’s sales team was crushing their teeth for the last couple of weeks to make McArthur understand on how much more traffic they could gain in the restaurants and how much time they could safe if they invested in NewPOS-System. It was another excuse for the always anxious Zoe to be already craving for another cigarette. ‘Screw McArthur’s, Z! This is serious!’ What could be more serious than that, she wanted to ask, but stopped herself. The girls joined the rest of their team in perfect timing. Not a minute too late.

‘Z, I saw my face – on another woman’s head’, she carefully whispered, while taking her seat at the office, across from Zoe’s. ‘What the heck are you talking about? That’s a creepy thing to say, Al’.

‘At the coffee shop, when I wanted to buy something to eat – she then remembered she still didn’t have a chance to eat something – there was a woman, a fucking amazing woman next to me. I couldn’t see her face, but I could smell her and she was unreal. I wanted to see her face so I hid and…’

‘Is this your way of telling me you are gay? Or – a stalker?’

‘Z, she looked exactly like me!’ Alice was waiting for the jaw to drop, but instead she met a blank face in front of her. ‘Did you hear me? That woman looked exactly like me!’

‘This amazingly beautiful woman looked just like you, ha?’

‘Yeah…’

‘You sound a little self-obsessed. Maybe since you started your new habits and all, you can just see yourself in other people’s faces now’, she laughed. ‘Or maybe it was your doppelgänger’. 

‘Doppelgänger…’ The word rang in her ears like a faded tune. She knew vaguely  what it was, but not in detail. So she checked online. Doppelgänger…  ‘biologically unrelated look-alike… a double of a living person… in mythology, is portrayed as a ghost or as something supernatural… one in a trillion chance… Alice was scrolling through pictures of people that looked alike, one after the other. They did look identical. Some of them had even same haircut, or similar scars. Some just had identical faces, with beard shape and big eyebrows. It was amazing. ‘One in a trillion…’

Zoe was already making calls when Alice said: ‘I have to meet her, Z’.

She didn’t get a reply.

*

The next day was going to be Friday. If she will go around the same hour at Paul‘s, maybe, just maybe, they will end up meeting. What could either of them say? What if the beautiful version of her, didn’t see what she did? ‘Impossible, is like I was looking in the mirror’. The rest of the people around her were moving papers around the office, laughing at some joke one would say, stretch their body while yawning so hard, their teeth were visible… How many of them knew there could be another version of themselves walking around the world, in a body they claimed is theirs? A body better taken care of. Or not. What about their mind? Could it be a neurological connection, on some level? What about their mothers? Or absent fathers? She wondered if that red haired lady had a mother that most likely had dementia, like her. ‘I bet she doesn’t’, she sighed. Alice watched the people around her, piercing them with her stare. ‘I bet she can still go to market with her mom, looking together for the most beautiful flower bouquet to buy and have a Prosecco in the garden, when sun is still up and warm. Her thoughts flew back to the countless moments she and her mothered shared and her eyes started to tear up. Ever since Sam moved out of the house for good, she mostly kept it to herself. ‘I guess that’s what happens when you have a kid of your own’. Helen went to help babysit every now and then, but Sam didn’t want to push the relationship more than that. She might have her reasons. Maybe it was shame. Maybe she thought Helen was in good hands, knowing Alice would always be close by. And now, her mom was about to lose it. No matter how much she wanted to shut that idea in the back of her mind, she had to face that she will need at some point, to hire a nurse to help around or if things deteriorate faster than she could handle, maybe a home. ‘God fucking damn it!’ she hit her desk. Zoe, across from her, jumped out of her seat. ‘What is the matter with you, Jesus’. Too much to make sense. Alice apologized and picked up the phone – was the red haired one dealing with same problems? For now she was going to do her job and tomorrow she will look for that lady. What she was going to do after that, if she even shows up, it was up her future self to manage.

 

Double walker – Chapter three

Double walker – Chapter one

It takes 26 days to make a new habit. Today was Alice’s 20th day in a row, of her new routine. She had seen on Pinterest that if you want to improve yourself, your mind set, you have to create more “healthy habits”. Waking up just 20 minutes before you need o leave home, was not going to work anymore. So now she wakes up by 6 o’clock, 6:10 tops, and follows a strict routine she had stolen – all by herself – from the content creators she follows online. After she brushed her teeth, she began her skin care routine. It was her first month using face cream, vitamin C, hyaluronic acid or even sunscreens and Alice was excited to see the results. She told herself it will just need a little more time to reach her goal: to have a smooth, beautiful skin, just like her favorite influencer, Glowing Lady.

From the other room, she heard her mother waking up herself. It was just 6:30; what on Earth was she doing up at this hour? ‘Morning, mom’, she shouted. When she didn’t get any reply back, Alice stopped for a second and listened to whatever noise was coming from the other room. It was silence for a while and then the toilet flushed. She shrugged her shoulders, thinking her mom just woke up to use the toilet and carried on with her skin care, while scrolling her Instagram. She was checking how many hearts did her yesterday selfie get. 34, in total. ‘Not too bad’, she thought. Her vanity pushed her to check the Facebook page as well, even though she had promised herself not to care too much. On her last posts, she either received just a few likes or a few likes, followed by mean body shaming comments. She weighted a little bit more than what her BMI showed she should. Alice had had problems with her self image, in her teens and it took a while to overcome them. So maybe Facebook was not a good place to look for validation at the moment. 

6:47 – time to have her breakfast, a meal she used to skip a month ago. Now she knew better. Her yogurt, dates and peanut butter oatmeal was waiting for her since last night, when she prepared it. She took a chair at the kitchen table and started eating, with her eyes in the phone. Another favorite creator had posted new pics, this time from her vacation on a beautiful sunny island. She looked amazing! The woman was athletic, had beautiful tanned skin and long wavy hair. Nothing about her was off. Her pictures showed her laughing, having a good time… ‘Amazing’, Alice wondered. She was so focused on the phone, that she didn’t even notice her mother waiting in the doorway. 

‘Jesus Christ, mom! You almost gave me a heart attack’. 

‘You’re here’, her mom whispered, confused. 

‘Yup, just eating my breakfast, with no jump scares, thank you very much. What are you doing up so early?’. 

‘You are here, Sam. You came back home!’ Alice took a deep breath and put down her phone. She stood up at her mom’s level and softly grabbed her shoulders. ‘Mom, is me, Alice. Sam is not here right now. She lives in her own house now, remember?’

Helen hadn’t changed her expression, but you could tell she was doing her best to put two and two together. It wasn’t the first time her behavior was triggering alarms in Alice’s head, but it was the first time she confused her with her older sister. Sam had moved out of the house years ago, when she was 21, after she had met her “first love”. The guy was in his early 30s, with no career path, but a big neck tattoo. First time Helen laid her eyes on him, she didn’t like him. He was not chivalrous towards Sam in any way, not even to make an effort to impress her mother, he was always smelling of smokes and he was using the phrase ‘my man’ way too often. For Helen, this was not good enough for her daughter. Feeling love struck, Sam decided to move in with her lover. Helen was against it, from the get go. But still, despite her best attempts, Sam took the leap and followed her heart. Not long after Sam moved out, bruises started to appear on her arms. She began wearing only long sleeve, baggy clothes, in contrast with what she had previously been wearing. This didn’t fool Helen. She saw the bruises herself, more than once. The look of joy in her daughter’s eyes, was now gone. ‘What are you doing with your life, Samantha?’, Helen pleaded many times. ‘You are a beautiful, smart young woman, who can achieve so many things in your life. Why are you choosing him, allowing him to beat you up like that? Please, Samantha, look at what you are doing with your life. Where are you heading to?’

Alice was a teenager when she heard her mom beg Sam to reconsider her life choices. And those words stuck with her. Eventually Sam had moved away from that part of her life, leaving a dark chapter behind. ‘My life’s initiation story’, she would later joke about. Funny how your future version could simply laugh off at your past one. But it seemed that Helen was still concerned about Sam, even now. Alice couldn’t understand where did this come from. Her mother’s recent behavior, worried Alice. In the last couple of months, Helen had had some… peculiar episodes. Six months ago she was coming home from her Saturday morning market with Alice, when she simply couldn’t recognize her own neighborhood. They were just about to reach home, when – in the middle of her funny story about the neighbor’s lost dog – she asked where was she. The sun was up and maybe a little too strong, so Alice thought her mom might have been suffering from sun stroke. ‘What do you mean? We’re almost home. Or did you want to go somewhere else?’ 

‘I… I don’t know… I don’t know where… I don’t know where I am’.

‘Mom, are you okay? We are almost there. Two more blocks and we are there’. Helen squeezed her tote bag tighter and kept saying she didn’t know where she was. Alice patiently talked to her and showed her the way home, where she finally managed to calm down. A few months later, they were having another get together, on a normal day, when Alice found Helen not acting like herself. She was washing dishes in the kitchen, when she drifted away, staring outside the window, at something only she could see. Her hands were laying in the sink, under the boiling hot water, that was pouring like crazy. By the time Alice noticed her, Helen’s hands were red as lobster. ‘What are you doing?! Can’t you feel you are burning yourself?’ Helen didn’t know what was happening or why her daughter was shouting so scared. She was just doing her dishes… What was happening to her mother? How was she going to take care of herself, alone? Soon after that, Alice decided to move back home, to keep an eye on her. This was the first time Helen was acting weird again, after all this time. 

‘Sam moved out, mom. She moved across town. Is me, Alice’.

Helen took a closer look at her, then looked down. ‘Of course’, she said. ‘Alice’. 

‘Yes, mom’, she smiled. ‘Alice. Want to have a seat next to me?’

‘What are you? It looks good’.

Alice took a spoon from the drawer and pulled out another chair. ‘Come and have some, is delicious’. They both took their seats, while Helen had a taste of the oatmeal. Then another. And another. She really enjoyed it. With a smile on her face, Alice pushed the bowl in front of her mom. She was going to grab something else on the way to work. Even though all these incidents were scattered across months, in the back of her head, Alice had a hunch of what it could be. But refused to say it. She took a look at her watch and realized it was almost 8 o’clock. She needed to put on her make up and remove her hair rolls. Alice kissed her mom and went back to her room, to finish the morning routine. She followed a hair tutorial about how to create volume and the rolls were the easiest to use. But the more difficult to sleep in. After she put on her clothes and her mascara, Alice was about to leave. 

‘See you in a short while, mom. Are you going to be okay?’

‘Oh my god, please don’t worry about me, Alice. You just sometimes look really similar to Sam and my mind thought… Oh, stop worrying, baby. Just have a good day. Thanks for the breakfast, by the way’. 

‘Love you, mom’.

‘Love you, too’. 

Alice’s office was close to her mom’s place, to her benefit. One last look in the store window she passed by every day and off she went. Alice took of her phone and made a new selfie, with a “peace” sign close to her face. Opened her Instagram and posted the pic, next to a ‘Make the best of your day’ quote. She knew it was a little bit cliché and a white lie. But she didn’t want to waste time in choosing one or the other because she knew she will end up not posting anything. Posted. Done. She closed her app, only to open it back a few minutes later. Alice pressed “Search” and wrote Sam Moore’s name. Her sister’s page came up. The pictures were not updated, last one was posted over a week ago. In it, she was holding her son close to her, both having the biggest smiles on their faces. Sam was almost as beautiful as she had been ten years ago. Yet, her eyes now had dark circles and fine lines. She was not wearing make up anymore or trendy clothes, like she used to. Her long hair was kept neat, in a ponytail – ‘she could use some hair rollers, too’ she thought. Sam was a faded version of her former beautiful self, but she did look happy. She wasn’t the person to post white lies. That was the main thing. Alice’s finger hoovered over the “Message” button for a little too long. She hasn’t told Sam yet about her concerns regarding Helen’s health. And she didn’t think a random Thursday morning was going to be the right time. Alice shut her phone and put it in her pocket. ‘Not just yet’. 

Her tummy remined her she was still hungry. And Paul’s was just around the corner. With their warm croissants, sweet donuts, filled glazed rolls, veggies pastry, salted cheese rolls, sausage rolls, salted cheese and sausage rolls, hot and cold sandwiches, the choices were endless. She loved Paul’s. Paul’s never failed her. As she was scanning the products, she heard a woman voice asking for ‘just a hot coffee, please’. It might have been her soft voice or the clear way she was taking, Alice couldn’t tell – but she was drawn to her. She took a quick look. The lady was with her back to Alice. At first glance, she seemed to be a business woman, an architect, something important. Alice wanted to take a closer look, so she pretended to be interested in the next row products. She could feel her perfume and it was amazing! The woman had red hair that fell over her dark blazer; she wore a fuchsia pink Celine handbag – ‘a fucking classic!’ – and had shiny rings on her fingers. Alice was shamelessly staring now, waiting for the woman to reveal herself. She was smitten, even if she hadn’t seen her face yet. And obviously, jealous.

When the woman turned around, Alice was ready. Or so she thought… She picked up her coffee and with a smile, she waved the barista goodbye. In a blink of an eye, she was out the door. But that image stayed with Alice for the rest of her live. She was in shock, unable to move or react. 

‘She… she is me…That woman… is me…’, she mumbled to herself.  

‘Hello, ma’am! Ma’am, what can I get you?’, the barista asked her. 

https://ancatiriteu.wordpress.com/2023/04/17/double-walker-part-two/

The contract – Chapter thirteen

(The next chapter will contain subject that may be triggering for some readers, such as: self-harm)

What… what do I… do now?

Sunali was leaning against the cold hallway, his legs resting on the endless pile of magazines around him. The laughing faces from their covers were smeared with his own blood. They looked deranged, like in the scary movies, where the psychotic murderer was covered in the victim’s blood. In front of Sunali, the bathroom was the only part of his “home” that didn’t look like a murderer went loose in there. His look was fixated on the bathroom tiles in front of him. On one, in particular. This one had a cleaner look than the rest, was on the same level as his eyes, above three more. It had the perfect shape, the perfect color tone, untouched by all the mess around it. He somehow, felt comfort in it. If he could just stare at it long enough, maybe he could squeeze himself somehow, mentally inside it, around it, across it -to get on the other side and return to his apartment. His real home. If he could just focus long enough on it… maybe the blood will go away. Or maybe the walls would fall down, all at once. Revealing that he was in fact, always, just in a safe room, surrounded by an excited, awaiting audience, ready to cheer for him. Yeah, they’d cheer for me… They are there right now, I bet. That thought made him a little more excited; maybe, just maybe, there was a possibility this could still happen. Maybe that’s why nobody answered at the door… Maybe they are waiting for me to find my own way out… Like this trap door, he thought. The camera was recording his moves, making that zooming sound. As for communication, Cratos was dead silent. Sunali called for him, asked for a voice, but nobody replied. He was all alone now. His rocking body relaxed a little bit and he was able to finally catch his breath. I have to find myself another exit… To go back home. His watery eyes were dead focused on that little white tile, thousands of ideas racing his mind.

Sunali pushed the magazines aside and crawled to it. He took a minute to analyze where he should press or push first, because he knew there was something about that specific, clean square. It just had to. Then he saw his filthy hands. That disgusting blood mixed with sweat and dust, was not going to touch his precious white tile. He refused to smudge it, not even a little bit. So he washed his hands and quickly wiped them on the shower curtain. He crawled back to his tile and very careful about how he was going to approach the situation, he waited, puzzled, for the next couple of minutes. When he finally decided it was time, he started to push his body weight into that small tile. Come on, just a little push… Come on! I know there has to be something special with you. The tile remained inert. You have to be the one… A trapped door, I don’t know, something… Just let me out! The tiles, the walls, they didn’t budge an inch. Goddamit! Feeling desperate, Sunali ran to the camera and began to shout at an invisible person. I piss on your rules, Cratos! You hear me? I piss on your money and on all the crazy people watching this sick show! I want out! Open that goddamn door! I’m losing my goddamn mind in here… I keep hearing her voice, then I am back in my apartment, then I am in here again and nobody answers me…

The room was silent.

Sunali begged and begged. What is this, am I fucking kidnapped now? Open the goddamn door, man! I am going to sue you, you fucking idiots! All of you. You let me starve in here, with no water, no food, no nothing… I fucking bet you even poisoned me, that’s why I’m having this fucking trips! And I’m bleeding! You’ll hear it from my lawyer, you hear me? You hear me? Why is nobody answering? Come on, somebody just say something… Anything. His anger turned into grief, almost like a circle of emotions that kept repeating itself. So he started pacing around the room. For a moment, he felt as if the walls were going to close on him, trapping him inside. He furiously pushed the mattress out of his way, flipped over the table, the chairs. God – fucking – dammit! Has the world forgotten about me? He pulled down the fake frame that served for a window. As he looked around, he understood what it all was – he was inside a box. The fucking “Money box”… It looked closer to a cheap rented container, than a high level studio set, as he would expect. As he looked around, Sunali started to chuckle to himself. Oh, my god… The chuckle turned into a laugh. A laugh so honest, you’d think he just remember the best joke he had ever heard. Soon, he was holding his belly, laughing hysterically. I – I just remembered… Hahaha, oh my god…I – I just remembered… That asshole’s name… That asshole‘s name… Hey, guys let me tell you something… He was addressing to the non responding viewers, that he did not know anymore if they really existed. You know, before I got here, before I accepted this deal, to come on the show – that my dear friend, Helen, had pushed me to do – I was supposed to meet a guy. Something with the creative director department or some crap like that. He gave me some papers to sign, you know. He was laughing so hard, he had to lean against the wall. And you know what that fucker’s name was? How didn’t I see it before? His fucking name – is Rachon… What stupid name is that? Sunali was laughing so hard, he couldn’t control his watery eyes. Rachon… It’s an anagram for “Charon”! My god, he is Charon, how the fuck did I miss that? Do you know who Charon is? He is the guy who takes the souls of the dead and crosses them over the river Styx… Can’t tell me that’s a coincidence. I am in hell, my friends. I am in hell… Sunali was slowly shifting from his hysterical mood, to a more jaded spirit. Cratos has the power… Charon is the caretaker of my soul… This place is my sinking ship… And I am –

…dead?

Sunali’s didn’t startle at the woman voice he kept hearing so often. Was it even outside his own mind? Or was it the same as the lurking shadow? He stopped asking himself that. .

Oh, the missing voice I need in my head right now…

Am I? She whispered.

Yes… Better than nothing, I guess.

That’s not very nice, Mister.

Christine…

You have found yourself in another pickle, Mister, her voice teased him.

Is that why you are here, Sunali asked gloomy. I have no more power to wrap my head around everything that is happening. And conveniently, you always come to haunt my already fucked up mind… Why won’t you just leave me alone, if you’re not helping me? Sunali scratched his showing ribs and put his head against the wall.

You look like you are left behind, Mister. Nobody comes to your aid anymore.

Sulani was looking straight into the camera. No, he answered. Nobody is coming.

That’s new to you. Nobody to help you out now. No parents or friends, no Helen, no me… You’re all alone.

You are here to torture me, aren’t you?…

Well, somebody’s got to do it, Mister Sunali.

Please, stop calling me that… If you were real, if you were alive and not just another one of my hallucinations, you’d not be this cruel.

But didn’t you always dream of becoming this big shot man? This “Mister Sunali”? I think you did. And haven’t I always been there for you? Well, here I am, once again – by you side. But yes, I am dead, Sunali. I am no longer alive. Do you remember how I ended up dead?

Please…

Oh, come on. Well, I remember, Mister. I remember me giving you all of me. Part after part. And there you were, always ready to just take, and take. Don’t hide from it anymore. You’ve seen by now, there is no escaping of these consequences. There was always somebody close, to bail you out, to help you out. And what have you done, in return, Mister? You’ve killed me…

Sunali started to rock his body again. He didn’t want to listen to this. Was this worse than having nobody to answer him back? Christine, shut up! You died in an accident! You can’t blame me, Christine!

You fucking liar! I have given you my life! For what? For a cheating bastard that couldn’t help himself! And put all his problems on everybody’s shoulders. and look at you now… Still begging for help.

He was covering his ears, but it didn’t make any difference. Sunali couldn’t hide from her voice. Just as much as he couldn’t hide anymore, from his past. He let himself fall on the floor, trying to hum his way out of listening to her anymore.

This is not happening, this is not real…

Oh, it’s happening, Mister Sunali. Nobody is answering to you anymore! Not even your Universe! You’re done, now! You’re DONE, Sunali! Can’t you see? This old empty room, with nobody to help you, the old magazines, the blood. How much time do you think it passed?

Shut up!

You were left here. Just you, your mind and all the time in the world. And you can’t even bear that.

I am dead, Christine. I know I am. That’s why I keep seeing you… Why I can’t tell time anymore… That Charon-man…

Are you? Christine’s voice started to chuckle.

Sunali’s eyes stumbled upon one empty bottle on the floor. Shut up, Chistine. I need you to shut up, okay? The voice wasn’t obeying. It only became louder and louder. Hahahahaha… Sunali grabbed the bottle and smashed it. He took the sharp part of the bottle and looked around the room. He knew he was all alone, inside a room that had decayed a lot since the first moment he arrived. How did he missed that? And how could he keep up with all the changes? I must be dead, I must be dead… He couldn’t take it anymore. I am sorry, Christine! I am so sorry… It was me… I am the only one to blame for you death! Please, forgive me, my love… Sunali took the sharp end of the bottle and stabbed himself. His body dropped hard on the floor, surrounded by a red pool of blood. His mind had finally found his peace. And the laughing woman was silent once again.

*

Helen’s phone was ringing like crazy for the last hour. Sunali’s dad was calling her again; for the third time today. She was looking at the screen, refusing to pick it up. Go away! she screamed. OC got scared of her yelling and exited the room. The live broadcast of “Money Box” was shut down a few hours ago, due to some unknown reasons. They only announced they will return with some more information, soon. The last time Helen has seen Sunali, was when he went to bed, somewhere last night. He wrapped himself with his blanket and then went to sleep. He had a boring, normal day, with his magazines task and his songs, but nothing out of the ordinary. Not paying too much attention, Helen trusted everything was okay. But when she woke up in the morning and checked the streaming, she saw him exactly as she had left him: in the same position, with his blanket. Given his bladder, it was a little unusual for him to not go to the bathroom. It was a little concerning, but not alarming to her. She only got worried when the stream died. Her phone was still ringing. Leave me alone! Immediately, the phone stopped. She was staring at it, prepared to ring again, but nothing happened. She remain frozen in her seat. The only sound was made by her teeth, biting the skin on her finger. I pushed him to do this. If something happened to him, is all my fault, she thought. Her thumb was numb from all the biting. Then, in the silent kitchen, she heard it. Sunali’s voice. “Mmmmm…What have you done/ Mmmmm is the sound of my gun/ Mmmmm honey what have you done/ Mmmmm Janie’s got a gun”…

THE END

The contract – Chapter twelve

When was the last time he felt the sun on his body? How long has it been since the warmth of the spring sun embraced him? A week? A month? A day?! His mind couldn’t make a difference between days and nights, clearly not on the time itself. Could it be summer outside? Winter? His scrabbled brain still fought with the idea that so much time had passed. Suna was rocking his body, in the same place he was hours ago, in the side corner of the room, close to that fake window he hated. He looked nowhere in particular, his eyelids half open. If there was something he missed, was the sun that he usually felt on his arms, when he left work. By 6 o’clock, the sun was still sharing his final rays, getting ready to set behind the tall building. The memory of that light made him smile. Sunali stretched his arms, imagining himself soaking the sun. Soaking the sun… “Here comes the summer’s sun…/ He burns my skin…/ I ache again/ I’m over you…(over you…)/ I thought I had a dream to hold/Maybe that has gone… Your hand reach out and touch me still…/ But this feel so wrong”. Just like when he was a child, the singing helped him cover the fear. His fear of his own thoughts – but not even the scariest of them compared to the recurring image of Christine’s dead body, lying on the street, in a pool of blood. Just like the one in his room. He was shaking his head and singing whatever cheerful song would pop up in his head. “Here comes the summer’s sun…” Then, in a split second, he would hear her voice again, repeating the same words she had last said.

Shut up, Christine… Please, shut up… Mhmmmm… “Here comes the summer’s sun”… Mhmmm... The singing man was closed inside an empty room; the room was in a distraught man’s head and took up all the empty space; that scared little man himself was put inside a random room, that was inside a panicked tiny man’s head, who was waiting inside a bloody room… And so on. Whatever space was left, was taken by the forced memory of his past lover. The ghostly figure of the woman who had loved a tiny man.

The magazines left by the door started to pile up, without him noticing. There were just a few, last time he paid them any attention. Gradually, the pile became bigger and bigger, almost impossible to try and pass through the door. Their now yellowish color made you think of a chain smoker that had puffed over them day after day. Has it been a week? A month? A day?! Even his bloody foot print changed its color, turned to dark red. The pieces of glass were scattered around the table and chair. There is nobody here, but me… Nobody, but me…

Hey, you, Mister Sunali…. She smiled to him, tucking her hair behind her ear. She was wearing large green earrings, that sparkled in the lights. The room itself disappeared and he could only see her radient face. Christine, my love, you are here…

You keep calling for me, Mister. I just had to finally show up on you, don’t you think?

You came to see me, baby… Even if all that’s left of me, is a big mess. Well, a bigger one…

Let me guess: Helen put you up to this. That Hell-en-Cunt… You’ve never done this before, Suna. Why do you keep adding poison to you body? First was booze, now drugs… What will you do next? Do you want to kill yourself?

No… I just wanted to see you again. Even if only in my hallucinations, on my floor. Why did you have to go, Christine?

Her glowing smile faded. Don’t you remember, she asked. Don’t you remember what you did to me?

Sunali didn’t want to hear those words. Refused to hear her talk like that. He covered his ears and began to hum another tune. Did you forget what you did to me, Mister Sunali? He couldn’t face her now dark face, her frown look and angry voice. It was not my fault, Christine! I didn’t want you to die! It was not my fault!

It’s on you, Sunali! My blood – is on you! He felt his hands become colder and when he opened his eyes to look at them, they were all red. It wasn’t me… It wasn’t me! Go away, Christine! Fucking go away! Helen shook him hard, getting him back from his hallucinations. Her phone was on the floor, set on “record”. Disoriented, a half naked Sunali looked around to discover he was back in his own apartment, with his Monstera by his side and an opened window. The sun was up, the pigeons were noisy and it was another morning in his home. Helen was there, too. Are you okay, Suna?

Helen?… Is that you, he asked, touching her face.

Jesus, you really had a bad shroom trip, my friend. This is the only time I do this with you. Ralph told me to watch you, since is your first time, but – dude. You flipped out over here, she laughed. In a Suna kinda way, you know? Wanna see? I have it on my pho… Sunali jumped in her arms, hugged her tighter than ever before. Wow, wow, that’s new. Were you really that… gone? You wanna talk about it?

Sunali was shaking while tears touched his face. He had a huge smile, to Helen’s surprise. No, I don’t want to talk about it, Hell. I don’t want to talk about a-ny-thing! I am just so fucking happy! He hugged her even tighter, smelling her “My way” perfume. I’ve never been this happy to see your face, Hell, I swear. And never, so hungry. Let’s go eat something. Let’s have the biggest fucking breakfast we ever had! She was puzzled about this new attitude, but didn’t question it. Let’s eat all the crap we can get our hands on, she laughed. Her green earrings were moving in perfect sync with her body, giving her a dreamy look.

Whatever you do, Helen, just delete those fucking recordings, okay? Don’t share them and don’t how me. I just want to forget this night all together. Not waiting for an answer, Helen showed him the phone, selected two recordings and pressed the “Delete” button. Happy now?

Never been happier, he answered on his way to the toilet.

Good to see your bladder hasn’t changed…

I heard that, Helen! This was the craziest trip he had ever been on. He got drunk before, but never had so vivid hallucinations like now. While he was taking a piss, Sunali was feeling himself just as you would after a very real and scary nightmare. He felt relieved for all the shit that just ended. Fuck the money! Fuck the hungry part. Screw seeing ghosts! It was all a freaking trip on shrooms, that for sure, he will not repeat. As he was looking at the wall, happy to release himself, a thought hit him: how did his fantasy self know about the recording Helen had done in real life? He couldn’t see the future and all. Neah, that’s bullshit. Stop overthinking it. He shook his head and flushed the toilet. But then another though made its way to his little head – when did Helen start wearing those green earrings again? She never wore them before or after that day, at “La Bistro”. Why would she wear them again? The day when Christine… No, I’m not gonna think bout it.

What are you doing in there, Suna? Are we going to eat… or go on another trip? Hahaha, mine was good, by the way. The trip, I mean.

Oh, yeah? I was worried there for a second you tried to call Ralph on me, while I was.. off, he joked.

Worry is a waste of imagination. Grab your jacket and let’s go…

Frozen in his feet, Sunali watched Helen up close. What did you say?

What?

Where did you hear that from? You couldn’t have known this… Where did you hear that from?

Jesus, Suna, calm down! Who can keep up with you these days? One second you’re hugging me like I am your mother, next minut you shout at me for no reason…

Helen – where did you hear that? She looked at him dearly. Just like a mother, she put her hands on her hips and tilted her head, letting her earrings dingle by her neck.

Oh, Suna, you’re always so dramatic, you know that? Should I say I read it somewhere online? Yeah, I mean I could – I could say that. Should I lie that I came up with it? I could say that also. But what if I say I read it on a wall, somewhere? On a wall, in a building, by reception. What would you feel about that, Sunali? But then again, how could I say that, if I haven’t been there… yet? She was playing with her earrings, smiling away, as the bright sun hit her face.

What the fuck is going on?

You have signed a contract, Mister Sunali. Do you feel like you respected it? As she was talking, her soft voice changed, becoming more still, more digitalized. It sounded more and more like Cratos’s voice.

Scared, Sunali dropped to the floor. He couldn’t understand what was happening in front of his eyes. The wound on his foot reappeared (has it ever disappeared?) and demented, he began to shake uncontrolably. What is happening to me? What is happening to me?

You haven’t fulfilled your contract yet, Mister Sunali. You consider yourself to be quite inteligent, and yet you can’t comprehend the simple act of what is happening to you right now. Helen’s body started to move unlike her. Similar to a robot, her moves became more rigid, looking very unnatural. Helen looked as herself, but there’s where the resemblance ended. Helen – was no longer Helen.

Leave me alone! All of you, leave me alone!

Is the truth dramatic to you?

Leave me THE FUCK ALONE! He shouted scared out of his mind. He didn’t open his eyes as “Helen” was getting closer to him, his mind unable to process anything. So he did what he knew better: he started rocking his body, not looking, not hearing, just singing his lungs out. “HERE COMES THE SUMMER’S SUN/ IT NURNS MY SKIN/ HERE COMES THE SUMMER SUUUUUN”…

Sunali’s body started to feel different. He, again started to feel the unquenchable hunger, as he was rocking back and forth. His squeezed eyelids couldn’t see the orange circles of light anymore; now it was all dark. He could feel things changing around him. Under his skin, a soft fabric was touching his butt and legs. The voice was no longer talking to him. Nobody was talking anymore. He felt all alone, once more. As he opened his eyes, he came to the horrible conclusion that he was back in his imprisonment. His sun-less, bird-less, Helen-less empty room. The recording camera was still watching his every move, just as before. So did the emptied bottles of beer and the broken glasses from the floor.

No, oh my God, please no! No, no, no, he pleaded. Desperate, Sunali jumped from his mattress and started to bang the walls. He ran to the front door, pushing the pile of magazines and scratch cards away from his way. He tried opening the door, but it wouldn’t move. Pushed the magazines as far away as he could, and started hitting the door aggressively, with his foot. The wound began bleeding again, unimportant to Sunali. Let me out! Let me the fuck out of here! He banged harder and harder with his fists, still nobody came. He put his ear to the door and tried to listen. Carefully. Not – a – sound. Convinced there has to be a faster way out of there, he started banging on the trap door also. It should at least slide a little bit or something. I want out, you hear me? I don’t want your prizes anymore, you son of a bitch! Just get me out of here!

No door was opened. And no voice was answering.

Sunali was heavily panting. The lack of sleep, food and light made him feel exhausted. His limbs were shivering. Everywhere around him, was blood from the wound. He allowed his body colaps, trying to fill his lungs with air. He didn’t even care he had pissed himself. What… what do I… do now?

The Universe was silent.

The contract – Chapter thirteen